We'll Always Have Each Other
by iridebrooms
Summary: Set after the third book. Belly and Conrad are married. But what about Jeremiah? Who is the true Fisher boy for Belly, and what will happen next? COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1  A Little Like It Used To Be

**Chapter 1**  
>The sky was a piercing blue, covered only in a few light clouds. The waves crashed into the sun was shining on the summer house, making it look even more complete, even more beautiful. Seagulls were sitting on its roof, crying out in desperation.<br>That's what I loved about this place- no matter how I felt, no matter how upside down my life was, or no matter how many things had changed, when I was here, it felt as if nothing had changed at all. For some reason, everything was okay for a little while. I was suddenly a little girl again, getting thrown into the pool by Jeremiah and Conrad. I was at the beach again, watching the sunset with Susannah. I was here, here, here. I was Belly.

Conrad. I closed my eyes and smiled when his face appeared in my mind; his perfectly smooth skin, his eyes, his smile. My soulmate, my first love, my _husband. _What a weird thing to say, but at the same time so fitting. Our wedding had been seven months ago. Seven long, incredible months. It felt like a lifetime, and I had trouble remembering my life beforehand. It had been nice, too. Not comparable to now, but nice. Jere and I had been a great team, and although it was still very awkward between us, we tried to get along as well as we could, given the circumstances. I still laughed at his jokes and he still asked me how I was. I know he still cared. Maybe not as much as he used to, but he did. And I cared, too. He would always be my best friend, because I knew him too well. But it wasn't the same. Sometimes, when he came to visit Con and me, I had the urge to hug him. To hold him. But I wouldn't allow my feelings to take over- it was just not _us _anymore.  
>It was Friday, and Conrad, Jere and I decided to stay at the summer house for the weekend. I was nervous, since we hadn't been here together for a very long time. But I was happy, too. The boys would be here in about an hour, which gave me time to clean the house and be alone for a little while. With a deep breath I opened the door and stepped in. It looked the same as always, the furniture not have been moved. I placed the shopping bags on the counter and started to put the groceries into the refrigerator. Then, I vacuumed the carpet and wiped the shelves, replacing the books alphabetically. It might have seemed a little exaggerated, but Susannah's house deserved the view in detail. It deserved someone to take care of it. When I was finished, I stepped onto the porch and watched the ocean. It made me feel alive. It made me remember all of the countless summers we had spent here, all of the memories I had never shared with anybody.<br>And then Conrads car pulled into the drive way, and I watched the boys get out and come towards me, _my _boys, Conrad smiling his best Conrad smile and Jeremiah giving me a thumbs up.  
>"Good morning, Wifey" Conrad said, kissing me on the cheek. He loved teasing me like that, because he knew I hated the word <em>wifey<em>. I grinned at him and punched him in the shoulder. Then I stopped to look at Jere. He looked as handsome as ever, his grin a little unsure. "Hi, Jere." I said, smiling at him. He gave me a quick hug and replied, "Hi, Belly."  
>"Isabel," Conrad corrected him. "She's Isabel now."<br>When I noticed Jere's questioning look, I quickly shook my head. "Please call me Belly." Although I was now used to people calling me Isabel, it sounded too formal for him to call me that.  
>"Isabel." he said it slowly, testing it, testing the sense of it on his tongue, as if he had never thought of it before. "No, I like it. It fits you. You're so much... older now." He smiled at me, but I think I saw a small hint of sadness in his eyes. Maybe the regret of making wrong decisions, maybe the knowledge that I was once his. But I could have been mistaken. "Uhm, should we go inside? Are you guys hungry? I thought of making some rice curry... is that okay with you?"<br>Conrad winked at me, and I blushed a little. His small gestures still made me feel like a teenager, giggly and a little uncomfortable. "I can cook, too." He offered, as we went inside and sat on the couches. "I thought we might just make some pancakes? You know, for old times sake." Jere said, and for some reason, it was one of the best ideas he ever had. We all agreed to this decision, so I stood up, clapped my hands happily and called "Pancakes, then!"  
>It would be an interesting weekend, I was sure of that.<p>

*** This is it- the first, (admittedly short) chapter! The story will soon be continued, I just don't have that much time at the moment! But review if you want to!**


	2. Chapter 2 Too Much Alcohol

**Chapter 2  
><strong>We had lots of fun that evening, watching tv and eating pancakes. When Jere left to get something from the car, I rested my head against Conrad's shoulder and closed my eyes, smiling. He kissed my hair and brushed it out of my forehead. "It's almost like it used to be." He said, and I noticed, for the first time, how important that had been to him. "Almost," I agreed happily.  
>Then Jeremiah came back, grinning widely, a six pack of beer in his one hand and three big vodka bottles in the other. I heard Conrad sigh under his breath.<br>"Lets get this party started" Jere cried, giving both Con and me a beer bottle. I had never been a big fan of alcohol, mostly because I had been so drunk once that I couldn't remember half of the things that had happened. It had been my first alcohol experience, here at the summer house. But I felt ready now. I was a grown up, a wife. So I sipped the beer quietly, while the boys, slightly more experienced than I was, mixed it with vodka. It wasn't all too bad. Not as good as coke, but a lot better than I had found it a few years back. A few hours and alcoholic beverages later, Jere was pretty drunk and Conrad was tipsy. The only effect the drinks had on me were a huge headache. "Truth or dare." Jeremiah said, placing one of his empty bottles in the middle of our circle. I opened my mouth to complain, then shut it again. What did I have to lose? To hide? I loved Conrad, I was happy with him, didn't cheat on him, nothing. There was nothing truth or dare could accuse me of. So I just nodded, trying to look relaxed. Conrad stated, "This is childish."  
>"C'mon," Jeremiah answered, a little offended. "Ya know, for ol' times sake?" He glanced me a look, and I quickly turned my head away to look at my husband. He gave me a look saying, <em>you really don't have to put up with this shit. <em>And I rolled my eyes and smiled, saying, _no, it's okay, you know Jeremiah. _He just nodded faintly. Jere turned the bottle, and it pointed directly on me. Obviously.  
>"Truth or dare, Belly?" He asked, grinning. Satisfied by the fact that he called be Belly, but scared about what I had to do, I said, "dare." The boys yelled and laughed at the same time, giving each other ideas of things I should do. "I have a good one!" Jere called, holding his bottle up into the air to get our attention. It worked. "You have to run outside, take your clothes off and run around in your underwear, yelling <em>I love the Fisher boys!<em>" He paused and looked at me, and I stared back, amazed about the stupidity of this idea. He then grinned at Con, who didn't grin back. _I won, _his look told him, _she'll never do this one. _  
>So I wouldn't do this one. It was apparently so obvious that they didn't even bother waiting for my response. What I did next, I still don't really understand. Maybe it was my sense of pride, maybe the small amount of vodka in my veins. Maybe both. But I got up, held my nose high into the air, and walked proudly (and a little unstable) to the door. I then took my jeans and blouse off. It was cool now, the air had gotten thinner. It was pitch black outside, and the wind touched me gently with its fingers. I was freezing. I heard them step on the porch behind me, Jeremiah laughing loudly. I took a deep breath and ran across the sand, which was smooth against my feet, towards the waves. I stumbled over the uneven ground, sinking in at some places and jumping over others. "I love the fisher boys!" I cried as loudly as I could, panting. And then I watched the waves for a while. After I noticed, how cold I was, I went back to the porch. Conrad gave me a little smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. Jere, on the other hand, had tears in his eyes of laughter. "That was hilarious, Belly! Good to know you're still as uncoordinated as ever." I stuck my tongue out at him, feeling like a little girl.<br>"It's fucking freezing," he then announced, and went inside, leaving me and Con alone on the Porch. I couldn't really see his face, since it was so dark, but I was thankful I didn't. I felt ashamed. But he didn't say anything. He just stood there and watched me put my shirt back on, and when I was fully dressed again, he opened the door for me.  
>"Ok, Jere. Truth or dare?" Conrad was looking at his brother, a challenging grin appearing on his lips. Jeremiah looked at me, then back at him, thinking. "Truth." he then answered.<br>It was several hours later, and I was getting really tired. I had no idea what time it was, and just when I wanted to announce the end of this game, Conrad asked: "Are you in love with someone?"  
>Jeremiah opened his mouth, but no words came out. He just looked at his big brother, his mouth gaped open. I could feel the change of atmosphere and wouldn't allow myself to breathe. I closed my eyes and and counted to ten, slowly. I was starting to feel really dizzy, although I hadn't had a drink in over two hours. I waited for his answer. When I opened my eyes, I saw that Jeremiah had turned awfully quiet. He stared at the carpet, his fingers twitching around the empty bottle in his hands. "Yes." He said it loud, in a very distinct tone. I let the air escape my mouth and breathed, surprised by the feelings I had. He was in love? I was touched by his honesty, but hurt that he hadn't told me. And, secretly, deep down, I wanted it to be me. And the thought of it made me sick.<br>"Okay!" he brushed his fingers through his hair, and reached for the bottle. "Conrad, your tu-"  
>"Who is it?" Conrad's lips were pressed tightly together, his eyes glistening with something I could not recognize. I saw his jaw clench, and I know that Jere had seen it, too. "Conrad, it's one question, dude. What the-"<p>

"-Tell me." Only now I realized how drunk he was, and the realization scared me. His voice was so strong, so deep, so grown up. He was not out of control yet, but I knew that he could be. When Jere didn't answer, he got angry. "Is it Belly, Jere?" He asked it slowly, unseeingly. Quiet. But I saw rage in his eyes."Don't you want to tell me, Jere? Don't you trust me?" He turned to me, his eyebrows pulled together in hatred. Hatred at _me. _But he looked at him again, his expression unreadable. "Or don't you want to tell me _because its my fucking wife?_Just say it, Jere! IS IT BELLY? Because if you're not over her, I'd rather want that she heard."  
>I could see my own shock reflect in Jeremiah's face. He crawled away from Conrad, helpless, and then he stared directly at me. We stared at each other for a long time, and it made me sad. Sad that he wouldn't be mine ever again. Sad about Conrads behavior. Yes, I was even sad about the fact that I hadn't heard his answer. He left a few moments after, just gathered his stuff and left.<br>I went to bed. I didn't talk to Conrad. I needed time to think about what just had happened. That night, he didn't come into my room. He normally never did, since I preferred to be in this bed alone, but I kind of hoped he would. At the same time I was glad, though. I wanted to be alone.  
>That night I cried. I was so confused, so disappointed and mad at the world. Yes, I loved Conrad, despite the way he had behaved, no doubt in that.<br>But, could it be, after finally having what I had wanted half of my life, that I was not over Jeremiah? That I still loved him, too? Obviously I did, but I had thought of it as in a friendship way. After all, he was my best friend. But could he truly compete against Conrad, my soulmate, my first love, my husband?

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter.  
>I will hopefully soon be posting the next one!<strong>


	3. Chapter 3 The Aftermath

It was 8 o'clock in the morning and there I was, awake. My eyes were heavy with sleep but yet open with excitement. Jere was laying beside me, snoring, looking adorable. He always looked like a little boy when he slept.

I felt the smile creep up from my lips to my eyes and couldn't help but pinch him in the arm. He snorted loudly and opened his eyes, unseeingly. „Good morning, love."

„Good morning." I snuggled closer to him and gave him a kiss, feeling the warmth of his body on my skin. It felt good. Right.

I found myself watching him, listening to his breathing, focusing on our touching fingers. Everything was perfect, yet I yearned for more time to spend it like this. „What time is it?" he asked after a while of silence. I was so caught up in his scent that I winced when he spoke. „Eight." I responded.

He groaned, but then sat up rather fast, rubbing his eyes with his fingers. „More time to spend with you." He then said, smiling awry. And then, before I could stop myself, I flung myself into his arms, drew in a deep breathfull of his aroma, and whispered, „I love you."

And Jeremiah Fisher, handsome as ever, grabbed my chin with his fingers and forced me to look into his eyes, those beautiful unresistable eyes, responding „I love you too, wifey."

And I flung out of my bed, panting, looking for halt as I stumbled across the room when I finally sank to my knees and stared blankly at the wall, which, somewhat, stared blankly back. I rubbed my eyes just like Jeremiah had done a few moments ago in my dream, and noticed they were wet with tears and sleep. The summerhouse was very still. I wrapped my arms around my legs and closed my eyes, sobbing. _Just__a__bad__dream,_I told myself.

But only that it had not been that bad at all. And that was the frightening part about it. Here I sat, on the floor of my favorite room in my favorite house in my favorite place of the whole world, with my favorite two boys just across the corridor, so utterly and incredibly sad and confused, my fingers streching out, yearning for both. Was that possible? Maybe it was just temporarily. Mabe the knowledge of Jeremiah still liking me made me a little unsteady, made me remember the way he had been around me when we had been together. He would have never acted the way Conrad had done the night before. Never. Jeremiah was much too empathic, too caring to put me in such a uneasy situation. He had loved me in such way that nobody had ever done before, unconditionally and in an irresistible way. I missed that. I missed waking up in the morning and knowing there was a whole new day ahead of you, full of cute surprises, one sweeter than the other. I missed being the spontaneous Belly I had been with him. Jere was so varied and simple, liking him was like breathing- easy. I had been able to talk to him for hours, effortlessly. He would always understand my problems, but he would make me laugh and think of other, more happier things. I loved that about him. I loved how, whenever I had been with him, the whole world and all of its shitloads of problems were just gone for a few moments- forgotten. There was just him and me, and our light- hearted conversations.

And then there was Con. _My_Con, beautiful and grown up, serious and charming. He was like I had always remembered him, a little quiet and thoughtful and protectice. When I was with him, I felt like that, too. I felt older, maturer. I felt myself growing whenever I spent time with him. His presence still lingered in every corner of my body, and his kisses still gave me chills. He was good for me. He made be a better person, someone I would have never thought I could be. Now, with him near me, I felt ready for whatever it was that future would bring us. I felt like, someday, I could me a mother. And our marriage, our togetherness made me happy. But, sometimes, I catched myself wondering how it would be if I were married to someone else. Not that I wanted that, because I didn't. But I wondered whether I would be cruising through the oceans or playing paintball or riding camels in Egypt if Jeremiah were the Fisherboy by my side. Things like that, stupid and pointless and irrelevant- they just didn't seem like thing I could do with Conrad. Those were _Jeremiah__things,_stuff we had planned ages ago. But those things wouldn't happen now. I sobbed louder. And then, as quickly as I had started, I stopped. This had to stop. I got up, determined to get dressed and go downstairs to face my husband and his brother. We had to talk about last night.

When I reached the end of the stairs, with Conrad sipping his coffee and Jeremiah nowhere in sight, my plan evaporated. Hesitantly I went for the fridge, grabbing cereal and a bottle of milk and spilling both into a bowl. I then got a spoon from the drawer and placed my breakfast on the counter, next to Conrad. He had watched me all this time without a word. „Good morning." My voice sounded shaky and weak. I opened my arms to hug him, but then let them flap back at my sides. He just looked at me, silent, and when he finally spoke up I heard the bitter undertone in his voice. „Jeremiah left."

My head was empty. „Oh," I managed to say.

„I don't know where he is. He left his phone here, and his car is gone. I think he might be somewhere at the beach."

„Con, look-"

„-Don't, Isabel." I saw his jaw clench the way it had done the night before, and I stood there, swallowing hard. „I don't know if he will come back. He... has a lot on his mind. But, If it makes you feel better, I can go and look-"

„If it makes _me_feel better?" I blinked. „Con, he's your brother. He's missing!" I threw my arms into the air, desperate.

„He's not bloody missing! He's a grown man, he can take care for himself-"

„So what's the question?"

Conrad grew silent. He looked down at his hands and only now did I realise how concerned he was. I summoned up my courage and put them into mine. „Listen, Con. I...I know you feel bad." I took a deep breath, struggeling with the choice of words. „Just apologize and it will be fine, okay? I promise..."

„I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He murmured, pulling his fingers out of mine and banging his fist on the counter. „It's not enough!"

„Of course it is-"

„It's not enough, for god's sake! I can't keep doing this to you!"

„Do what, Con?" I was scared now. He was about to cry. „Con, it's okay. Listen to me...it will be fine... Jere will me fine... I- I love you..."

And then he looked at me with those beautiful eyes, and my voice broke. He kissed me. I kissed him back. And everything was perfect. Me and Con was all that mattered. I felt his longing, his regret, I heard his apologies inbetween kisses, I felt them at my neck, at my shoulders, at my cheeks. I felt his breaths and his heartbeats, and all there was was Conrad Fisher, my beloved husband, and me, Jeremiah Fishers kiss from my dream still lingering on my lips.


	4. Chapter 4 UhMazeIng

At the end, Conrad left to find his brother. He said that he had to talk to him- that they had to discuss a few things. He said that Jere was an adult and not in any way endangered, that he wasn't far away, he'd know that much. When I offered to come with him, he just shook his head. „No, this has nothing to do with you. I think it's better if I talk to him alone." And, although it had pretty much everything to do with me, he was right; this was something both of them needed to go through alone. I stayed at the summer house and cleaned up. I was so deep in my thoughts that I hadn't noticed I was doing any work, and when I was finished, I was happy I had done it. The kitchen seemed much bigger and cleaner now. I then went for a swim. The water was pretty cold, colder than I remembered it, but the shock was refreshing. I was so fixated on kicking my legs and arms, that I forgot all of the drama and the mixed feelings inside of me. When I returned to the house, I felt a little guilty for trying to push all of the confusing feelings away from me, further down. It seemed unfair for both Con and Jere- but just _questioning_my marriage and my feelings towards my husband made my face burn with shame. I was betraying them both. I was betraying my two favorite boys in the whole world. They didn't deserve this. Neither one of them did.

I wondered if Con had found his brother by now- and if so, what they were saying. I knew what they were talking about, the thought made me uncomftable, but I wondered what words they were using. If they were shouting or whispering. And, most of all, I wanted to know what Jere said in response. If he admitted his feelings for me. If he'd deny them.

I promised myself to ask Conrad later, but then rejected the idea. It seemed stupid. The last thing I needed was him to think that I cared. Which, I told myself, I didn't.

I braided my wet hair and twirled them into a bun. It was a hairstyle I used to wear a lot when I was a small child, and it seemed fitting. I felt anything but grown-up. Just when I let go of my hair, my cellphone rang and I picked it up, eagerly.

„Hello?"

„Belly!" It was Taylor's voice. She sounded excited. I exhaled loudly. I had hoped for Con, but now that I thought about it hearing the voice of my best friends felt really releaving. Like I hadn't seen her in ages.

„Taylor, sweetie! How are you?"

„Uh-maze-ing." I could literally _see_her her biting her nails excitedly, waiting for my response. She'd spill in a matter of seconds. I decided to pretend like I didn't necessarily wanted to know. That always worked.

„That's great, Taylor. Um- I've been good to. So, when should we meet?"

„That's great." She repeated, impatient. „Belly, let's talk about meeting later. Don't you want to know why I'm so happy?"

„Oh," I said innocently, a huge grin appearing on my face. Now I just had to talk about me and it would drive her nuts. She hated to talk about anything but herself. Except if it included the newest gossip, boys, sex or parties. „God, I'm _so_happy too, Tay-Tay! I've just been swimming and it was amazing- I was scared I had unlearned it, you know, since I haven't been here in, like, forever. But guess what!" I clapped my hands together, holding the phone between cheekbone and shoulder. „I still swim like a fish!"

„Amazing." My best friend said, with no hint of interest whatsoever. I imagined her rolling her eyes. „Wait- you're in Cousins?"

„Aye,"

Taylor gave a small shriek. „Well, that's uh-maze-ing, Belly!"

„Please stop saying amazing like that."

„Like what?"

„Like it's three words. It makes me want to strangle you." I sat down on the couch and zapped through the television programs. None of them held my interest.

„Fine. Your nerves are killing me. Anyways-" she took a deep breath. „Well, what I'm willing to tell you since like, three hours is that Jeremiah asked me out. He asked if I'd want to go to the summerhouse with him. Said he misses spending time with me."

Silence.

„Dude! I know! I was speechless too."

And I was speechless. My eyes bore into the wall infront of me, and I heard myself ask: „He asked you out?"

„Well, indirectly. He didn't like say _will__you__go__out__with__me,_but he said we had lots of fun times together and that he wanted to start to have more contact again. I mean, we were a couple, after all."

I wasn't too sure if I'd call their thing they had once had going on a relationship, but I agreed anyway. But I was shocked. Taylor? Really? I remembered they used to have crushes on each other, I remembered the talks my best friend and me had once had about the boys. Long, passionate talks. But ever since they had broken up, Jere never mentioned her again. Not really, anyway. He sometimes told me to say hi, but I didn't know they were in contact at all. And I had had a pretty clear impression of him being over her. So why now, suddenly? I would have found it normal a few years back, when we were just average teenage girls admiring the older boys. But not now. Not after I had nearly married Jeremiah. Not after I was the wife of Conrad. We weren't stupid teenage girls anymore, and these weren't stupid crushes.

„How long are you guys staying, Bells?" Taylor was talking fast, but her voice still sounded melodious.

„Until sunday evening," I croaked.

„Oh my god, I could, like, totally join, right? That would be so uh-maze-"

„-why don't you call Jeremiah, Taylor?" I interrupted, both irritated and angry at the same time. „I bet he wants you to come, as you both probably have so much to catch up on. Seeya then." And I hung up. To be extra sure that she wouldn't call back, I turned my cellphone off und flunged it on the coach opposite from the one I was sitting on. With an annoyed groan, I burried my head into the pillows and waited.

What had just happened? I had been sure that Jere was falling for me again- or, quite frankly, he might have never gotten over me entirely- but now I had no idea. Why had I thought that, anyways? It didn't feel like he liked me. But from the way he had reacted the night before, when Con had accused him, I had started to believe that thought. Now only did I notice the disapointment that clouded my mind, followed by a wave of quilt. How could I have been so stupid? So blind? Jeremiah Fisher was over me since I had broken off our marriage-justifiably. He liked Taylor, my best friend. And, the worst, I would most probably see them happy together within the next twenty-four hours.


	5. Chapter 5 We'll Always Have Each Other

Jeremiah and Conrad returned a few hours later. They weren't totally comftable, but it was fine. I sighed with relief when I saw them grinning at each other. Then Con gave Jere a slight push in my direction and I felt myself tighten. He hesitantly stepped forward and hugged me. We both loosened up and even started to laugh a little. When we broke apart, I took both of them at the hand and looked straight into their eyes, rotatory. It took a lot of courage to say what I was about to say, but it was the truth. Clean, straight forward truth.

„I really love you guys." I saw Con give Jere a unapproving look, but I ignored him. „And I'll be there for you no matter what. You're my brothers."

Jeremiah nodded, touched. „Family." He said.

And then we looked at Conrad, who looked petrified. For one small second I thought he would leave, but then his expression changed, and he returned my smile. I felt him squeeze my hand gently and saw him wink at his Jeremiah.

„We're alway have each other." he said.

We ate waffles and talked about old times. It was great. I didn't want to think about tomorrow, when we would have to leave Cousins. Or more specifically, when we'd return. At around six, Jere left to pick Taylor up. Con and me had some alone time. We snuck upstairs into his bed, and it felt so good to have him near me. The warmth and smell of his body made me dizzy.

I just stepped out of the shower, putting a shirt and shorts on, when I heard my best friends voice echoing through the house. I couldn't contain my grin as I hurried down the steps. And there she was, sprinting towards me, shrieking „Belly!," hugging me and pushing me away when noticing I was still wet. „You're disgusting!"

I pressed my lips on her cheek and she laughed. Jeremiah stepped forward and rested his arm around her hips, dragging her a little closer to him. I saw the surprised pleasure crossing Taylors face and felt the urge to tear them apart. But I didn't. I smiled as if I were happy for them and gestured to the sofas. „You guys want to sit down? Have a drink?"

„Orange juice please, babe." They sat down, and Con joined them. The boys took a bear and I poured myself a water. When we were all sitting, there was an awkward silence. So many things had we experienced together, but none of them popped up in my head. The water tasted stale.

„So... how are you guys? Hows marriage?"

„It's been really good." I said, glancing at my husband and thankful for the question. „There are things we still have to get used to, but it isn't hard to get adjusted."

Taylor nodded. „That sounds great, you guys. I'm happy for you."

„Thank you, Taylor." Conrad said sincerely.

She gave him a smile and turned to Jeremiah. „So, Jere. We haven't had that much time to chat yet. How have you been?" He just shrugged. Then he started tickling her. Taylor screamed and ran to the counter, where she was looking for cover. But he reached her just in time and grabbed her, amused. „You're so childish" My best friend was saying, but she was so out of breath from the exercise and the laughing that it was not very understandable. I stared at them both in amazement. When did this happen?

When they were both seated again, Taylor brushing her blond curls out of her face, I couldn't help but ask.

„What do you mean?" Jere asked in surprise, and I wasn't sure if he was fooling me or not.

„I mean... this." I looked at Conrad desperately.

Jere still acted like he didn't know what I meant, and just when I wanted to kick him for his stupidity, his phone rang and he rushed to the door. Conrad left for the bathroom and me and Taylor were alone.

„I don't get this." I blurted out.

She just smiled happily. „Me neither, hun. Ever since he called me and said we should meet up, he's been amazing. Really sweet. I think I might be falling for him."

I knew how much this took for Taylor to say that she really liked a guy, and the realisation hit me. Hard. „Thats..." I started, struggling for words. „Taylor, thats fantastic!"

I really did find it fantastic. It just bothered me that she had these feelings for _Jeremiah._

„Now tell me," she said, lowering her voice. „How's it _really_being married?"

„It's tough." I nearly choked on the words, but I licked my lips and continued. „People think about that moment- the one where the love of your life gives you the golden ring- ever since they've seen it in movies. They make plans. And it's amazing, really. Don't get me wrong. It's just-" I turned away, embarrassed of how I was feeling.

„Baby, I'm here, okay?"

„It's just that everyone says that once you're married, you're a grown up. Everyone has these expectations from you. I mean, I'm _Isabella_now. I'm a wife. And I feel like I have pretty much always felt throughout my life- shy and innocent and crazy for Conrad."

„Why is that such a bad thing, though?"

She really tried to understand. She really did. But the things I felt, I could not describe. I was happy. I really was. But a few things were preventing me from having the perfect life I had dreamed of. And without warning, Jeremiahs face appeared in front of my eyes and I tried to shake him off- this was really throwing me off balance.

„Belly?"

„Yes?"

„How did Jeremiah treat you?"

I was a little shocked by the sudden urge in her voice. „What do you mean?"

„I mean what I said. How did he treat you when you guys were, you know, together."

I gasped. „Uhm, good. He was sweet. And loving. He took care of me and I felt safe. But you know that. I mean, you guys were together. Not a lot of guys are as caring as him." I looked at her, and she was chewing her nails. „But Tay, all of that is so long ago."

„Yeah, I know." She relaxed a little. But then she threw her hair over her shoulders and said, calmly, „Jere always loved you more."

These words made me cough, and I had to take a few long mouthfuls of water to stop the burning in my throat. I could hear myself breath- in, out. „That's not true." I said weakly.

„It is. I was a toy- a shiny, new toy he liked the looks of and he played with me. We had something, yes. But as quickly as it had started, it ended. _Your_relationship, on the other hand-" She sighed loudly, and twitched the blue ring she was wearing. „He really loved you, Belly. He would have done anything for you. You should have seen the way he looked at you, even when we were together." Her voice was soft, her words carried no anger, but she could have equally hit me. My stomach made a painful twist as I slipped deeper into the sofa. „You're just a gap I can't fill, Bells. He'll always love you one way or another. And I know you will, too. That's why I want to know if you're truly over him or not." I stared at her, processing everything she was saying. „Because If you were to chose him after all, he would not hesitate to leave me instantly." Taylor put the half empty glass of orange juice on the small table and watched it. Only now did it occur to me how much she had grown up. And then, for the first time throughout the conversation, she looked straight into my eyes and I knew that I had to make a decision.

„Are you over Jeremiah, Belly?"


	6. The Decision

I felt my heartbeat in my ears.

The air filling and leaving my lungs.

My fingers gripping the end of the sofa.

I wasn't ready for the truth- I was ready to love Con for ever, I was ready to love Jere in some way nobody but I would quite understand, I had been ready to marry the man I loved since forever, and I was ready to sometimes wonder if it had been the right decision. But this, I was not ready for.

I could hear my husband hurrying down the steps towards us. Jere saying goodbye to whoever he was talking to on the phone.

I had second left.

Maybe less.

_Are you over Jeremiah, Belly?_

The words, the whole question, were twisted and turned in my head. They were so absurd, and at the same time so incredibly realistic, that I was confused. Was I ?

I couldn't dare to open my mouth. I wasn't in control of my body. I was scared of my answer. But Taylor was looking at me, impenetrable, and I couldn't dare to see her like this any longer- hurt. Broken. Hopeful.

„I love Conrad" i croaked.

„You didn't answer my question."

„I love Conrad," my voice was full of panic now. „I love Conrad. I love Conrad. I love Conrad.." I wrapped my arms around my legs and swayed back and forth, my eyes never leaving Taylors face.

„I love Conrad, I love Conrad.." My voice was fainting, it was only a whisper. A whisper like the silent waves, a whisper like the ocean here at Cousins...

Cousins.

My favorite place in the whole world.

I tried to concentrate on that thought, tried to pull myself up, but I was struggling.

Taylor was saying my name, quietly, gently, as if trying to put me to sleep.

She needed answers, she was saying. She needed to know.

I was so confused. And sad. And incredibly lost inside of my own body, its thoughts, its feelings. I just wanted leave.

„Belly. Please," I could hear the despair in her voice.

This threw me even more off balance, but I tried to order my thoughts and looked straight into her eyes, dizzy.

I could hear the boys laughing somewhere outside on the porch.

„I'm sorry I'm hurting you Bells. You know I hate doing that. But I have no choice-"

I was crying now. It was hard to contain the sobs but I managed somehow. It was hard to identify her expression when everything was so blurry, but somehow I could.

And seeing it made my heart slam painfully against my ribs.

„I love Conrad," I managed to say, my voice only a light breath against my naked skin.

„I know you do."

„I love him _more._More than anything."

She nodded, and took a deep breath. She relaxed a little. „I'm happy about your answer, Bells. Thank you." She stood up and began to walk to the door, where Jere was presumably standing.

„-I love him, too."

She stopped, but did not turn around to face me. I closed my eyes and continued.

„Jeremiah was my lover, my first boyfriend. I know everything about him and I still love him. He will _always_ be there for me and I will do the same for him. When I see him, the world seems complete. Please, Tay - _please_ don't take this from me."

My speech seemed so pathetic, so desperate, but I had to tell her the truth. She deserved it.

„Where does this leave us, then?" My best friend asked, bitter, and it not even sound like a question.

„Didn't you listen to me? I love Con more than anything in the world. Jeremiah completes my world, but Conrad completes _me._ I don't exist without him, Tay. It's like all the times where he was not there to share them with me seem so irrelevant. All of this- the Ocean, Cousins, the sun and all of the memories we have here, I don't want them without him. You're asking me to choose," I took a deep breath and watched her slightly turn to face me.

„although you already know the answer."

And with these words, I was absolutely sure I had captured everything; my confusion, my feelings, my longing.

Taylor blinked.

„Conrad." She said, and we looked at each other with such lightness, as if it were the most obvious thing, the most obvious answer. And it was.

**Hope you enjoyed the story ! I think it is a good part to stop. However, If I get tons (and i mean _tons)_ of grievances I might think about doing some additional chapters. **

**Please review and chek out my profil once in a while, I'm going to upload other stories in the future.**

**xxxx**


	7. The Last Walk

When the boys stubbed out their cigarettes and stepped back into the house to join us, Taylor and I couldn't help but smile at each other. We were both so relieved by the result of our talk that we couldn't stop laughing at every little detail. Con raised his eyebrows in anxiety, and Jere looked at us, irritated. He was the first to talk.

„I can't believe we're going back tomorrow."

The realization hit us all quite hard. Tay wanted to respond, but I shook my head and stood up. „No depressing talks tonight. I'm getting the beer."

Conrad looked down rather sheepishly, which was very unusual for him. I tried to ignore the awkward memories from last night and walked to the fridge, pulling out a few bottles and throwing them across the room for the others to catch. We then all settled back onto the porch. It was dark by now, and the stars reflected onto the ocean, making every individual wave glisten in the darkness. I loved that. I loved Cousins by night. I loved the warm but chilly air. I loved the wind that stroked my face. I loved the sound of the water.

But most of all, I loved the people beside me.

I turned to Con, who was right beside me.

„Truth or dare" I whispered into his ear so only he could hear.

After a few moments of silence, he grinned. „Truth," he replied faintly.

„Are you in love with someone?"

He didn't reply right away, purposely. He moaned annoyed, but then he took my chin between his hands and forced me to look directly into his eyes just like his brother had done in my dream. Only that this was better. Much better.

„I think I am, yes."

And before I could reply he was kissing me, Conrad Fisher was kissing me, and although he had been my husband for seven months, although we had kissed what felt like a million times, I still had not gotten used to it. When we broke apart I laughed a little. „Well, that's good news." I said, and looked at him obliquely. „Because I think I'm in love too."

Beside us, Taylor and Jere were cuddled together and pointing at the stars, Jere saying something incomprehensible and her laughing about it. She was clutching her beer with one hand, the other hand was stroking his hair.

So everything had turned out well. They both seemed like a great team, just like me and Con were. Us four sat there for pretty much the whole night. Inbetween the boys went upstairs to get blankets, and we settled into the beach chairs and huddled together. None of us drank much, we all sensed the importance of this moment, the last night. We wanted to be sober and taste the salty air. The things we talked about at that night were fun and light, we laughed a lot. I couldnt remember the last time I had laughed so hard. At one point Jere sprung up and took his shirt off, yelling „I love the Fisher boys!" So I got up, supported by Tays laughter and Conrads cheering, and chased after him. Of course, I didn't catch him. He had always been a faster runner.

I fell asleep sometimes, but whenever I awoke, I could hear someone talk. There was always someone awake; someone who enjoyed the last precious hours.

The last time I opened my eyes, the sun was slowly rising. I streched my arms and yawned loudly. My back was hurting immensly. And when I shifted to see if someone was awake, I saw Jeremiah doing the same thing. We glanced at each other and he smiled. „Good morning, Belly."

I smiled back, tired. „Morning Jere."

He looked around and said, unnecessarily: „They're still asleep."

„Yeah."

He yawned wildly and nodded towards the beach. „Wanna go for a last walk?"

The sunrise discolored the sky beautifully. It was throwing shadows on Jere's face, and he narrowed his eyes sleepily. We walked for a long time without saying anything. The water was drawing through my toes and I couldn't help but wonder why exactly he wanted me here, with him. I looked at him sideways, and he returned my gaze. He was still as handsome as ever. Then, out of nowhere, he took my hand.

Startled, I didn't withdraw it. „Look, Jere-"

He sighed. „Don't you _look, Jere_ me Bells. I want you to know what this-" he squeezed my hand slightly. „-means. It means that you're my best friend in the entire world, okay? And I don't want anything to come between us."

I didn't know what to say, but I was happy about whatever it was that he was telling me.

„There's nothing coming between us, Jere."

„I know." He let go, gently. I bent down and picked up a shell, circling it between my fingers. He crouched down in front of me and watched. „I want you to know that it doesn't matter." When I eyed him questioning, he continued. „It doesn't matter wheather or not the person I am in love with is you. It doesn't matter. All that matters is that you're happy, and that we're friends. I really do love you, Belly."

„I love you too, Jere." I replied, and hugged him. Then, suddenly, we broke apart and he flung me onto his back, running across the white sand. I laughed breathlessly, and crossed my arms around his chest. The wind flew through my hair and I closed my eyes, amazed about how perfect everything was. To annoy him, I shifted my weight and we fell backwards, him landing on top of me, and we were both laughing and throwing sand in eachother's faces. I got up, ran to the shore, turned to him and said: „Let's take one last swim."


	8. The Toast

Jere was a good swimmer. But I was better.

I had always been a good swimmer, I had been swimming ever sine I could remember. But this sunday morning, I was better. I dived into the water and twirled my body, I spreaded my fingers to feel the refreshing water between them. My arms stroke through the waves mechanically, and before I realised, we had been swimming for an hour, Jeremiah breathing loudly a few metres behind me.

I turned around to him, grinning cheekily. „I still swim like a fish!" I said happily.

„No," he said breathlessy, clutching his chest with one hand. „Better. You swim _better_ than a fish, Belly. Don't you ever get tired?"

I shrugged. „I had lots of practice. All of the times you boys wouldn't let me play with you..."

He laughed, and I pushed him jokily. „That's ages ago! Stop bringing up the old crap. Lots of things have happened since then."

For one moment it was silent, and I nodded. „Yes," I whispered, more to myself than him. He ignored that and stamped the last few meters back to the shore. „Let's go, Bells! Your husband is waiting for you."

We walked back. The sun was now high in the sky and it was turning out to be a bright summer day. Crying birds in circled flight were escorting us back to the beach house. Just before we reached it, I stopped and looked at my best friend. He looked at me anxiously. I paused before saying „I'm happy for you and Taylor."

I guess he didn't expect this, but after a moment of hesitation, he smiled and boxed me in the shoulder. „Thanks."

„But don't hurt her, okay?"

A little offended, he replied: „I wouldn't do that. You know I wouldn't."

„I know you wouldn't."

„Good." Satisfied, he kept on walking up the steps to the porch.

„You're a good guy, Jeremiah Fisher."

„And you're not too bad yourself, Isabel Conklin."

We laughed a little while entering the kitchen, where Tay and Con stood closely together reading a book that was lying on the counter. Con was holding a knife in his hand while Tay was giving him instructions.

„You're _cooking?"_

Tay laughed at the nearly reproachful way I said this, propping her hands against her waist. „Hey! _My_ cooking is uh-maze-ing!" She pointed at Conrad. „I also have quite a good assistant with me."

Con waved with the knife and we laughed.

After about half an hour, Tay served the food proudly. It was a kind of pasta, although I was not entirely sure. Taylor never knew how to cook, and although Con was very good at it, we decided not to tell her. He told me he wanted to let her do it. When serving it, Con turned to her and said „_Magnifique!" _in the fakest french accent and that was when, at the very latest, Taylor understood that her food wasn't any good. But nobody minded. We were all very touched by her effort, and we rewarded it with a big tost.

„To Taylor, out wonderful cook!"

And, after everyone drank, I added: „To us."

We all drank again, and Jere said: „To Cousins."

And when we all looked at Con anxiously, he said: „To Susannah."


	9. Let It Rain

"Belly? Are you coming?"

I looked over to my best friend who leaned against the doorway, her arms crossed in front of her chest.

It was weird to see her stand there, all grown up. I hadn't realized how old she had gotten until now; the

golden locks that gently fell upon her dainty shoulders framed her tender features, making me wonder

if she had become a stranger to me. A weird thought considering how well we knew each other.

But there are moments in life that one can not explain, moments when things or people you've never

questioned before and that have always seemed to be there suddenly look different- and you can't

figure out whether this change happened recently or if it's just the first time you have seen it.

Taylor let the chewing gum snap between her white teeth while she was waiting for my response. I told

her I'd be there in a second and she went outside to meet the guys who were carrying our bags and

supplies to the cars.

So this was it, the dreaded goodbye. And even though I had said goodbye to this place what felt like

a million times throughout my life, this time it felt different. It wasn't the see _you next summer_ sort

of goodbye I used to whisper to myself all throughout my childhood years. It was somewhat definite.

It felt like I was leaving Cousins all over again, including everything that it so heavily

incorporated. I closed my eyes and tried to memorize this moment;

I concentrated on the smell, this familiar summerhouse smell that I immediately associated with every

single memory that had happened within these walls;

I listened to the sound, that very distinct Cousins sound that I would be able to recognize everywhere;

and lastly I opened my mouth to taste the air on my tongue- it tasted like salt and seashells and broken

promises, like love and hate and friendship all at the same time; hesitantly, I opened my eyes and

stepped outside onto the porch. Taylor and Jere were engaged in an exciting conversation, throwing

their hands into the air and talking exhilarated, while Con was busy loading the last couple of things

into the trunk. He then hit the door shut, swearing under his breath. "Are you alright?" I asked, once I

reached his car and leaned against it. He nodded, wiping the sweat off his forehead. "This damn car won't fit a thing," he moaned and clapped his brother on the back. "Jere, we're off."

Jeremiah turned around to face us. He looked very tired and hadn't shaved that morning; his chin was

covered in little stubbles. "I'll miss you, man" he said to Con, and they hugged, pounding each other on

the back as they spoke. "Thanks for coming" Conrad said, pinching his younger brother in the cheek.

And then they lowered their voices and said something, exchanging a range of rather serious looks and

words, which both Tay and I couldn't understand. And when Tay and Con hugged laughingly, Jere came

to me and gave me this really special Jeremiah look in which he strongly resembled his father. Trying

to be dramatic, he raised one eyebrow rather semi seriously and looked down at me. "We should do this

again sometime," he said.

"Yeah," I answered lamely, because there wasn't really anything else that I could say. Silence.

And while Taylor and Conrad were having some sort of small talk, me and Jere just turned to the

summerhouse and looked at it. I wondered if he was thinking the same things, remembering the same

memories as I was. After a few moments of quietness, I said: "We're not coming back, are we?"

Jere looked at me in surprise. "What makes you think that?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "I just have this feeling. It doesn't feel right to leave Cousins. It doesn't feel

like it used to. Nothing feels like it used to."

After a moment of hesitation, he replied: "Things change."

"Sometimes I wish they wouldn't."

"What makes you so sure?"

I didn't know what he meant by that, and just when I wanted to ask him, he added: "I mean, change

isn't necessarily bad. We're still here. We kept the summerhouse, right? We didn't sell it. It's

still right here, in our possession. And you're still here, right next to us. We're all here."

"Except Susannah." I whispered.

"You're wrong, Belly" he said, this time looking directly into my eyes. "She's everywhere. She lingers

in every single corner of this house. She's always with us."

Tiny water drops had started to fall from the sky, splattering onto the ground and surrounding us. It was

like Cousins was crying with us, wishing us good-bye, and I couldn't help but cry with it. I felt so

childish but I couldn't stop myself.

"But what would she say if she'd see us like this?" I sobbed, looking up at the thick layer of clouds.

"What would she say if she'd see that we've grown apart? That we're never here anymore?" I couldn't

hold back anymore, but the growing pattering and roaring thunders drowned my voice. Tay and Con

were running to the Veranda, their hands protectively over their heads. And despite of the acute rainfall,

Jere smiled at me. None of us made intentions of moving.

"We're not growing _apart_," he said softly. "We're growing up; there's nothing wrong with that. But

we're still friends and we're still here. If you ask me," I held my breath and forced the soaking fringe

that stuck to my forehead out of my face, "she would be incredibly proud of us."

And with these words, he took my hand and we ran towards the others, with me screaming and

laughing hysterically, the cold summer rain pattering onto our backs.

Once we reached the porch, Conrad seized me into the air and swirled me around, and I don't

think I had ever felt so free and happy in my life. When he stopped he was still holding me, and our

eyes locked like they had done so many times before. All of my feelings for him, - exuberant,

indescribable feelings,- I could identify in his own eyes. I came closer to his face, the face that I knew

better than any other, and touched his lips gently with mine. He returned the kiss, but a lot slower and

more passionate this time. Jere was right, nothing had _really_ changed. Conrad was still Conrad and I

was still Belly. And because of that, my love for him was practically inevitable. It was one of those

things that had always been there, ever since you could remember. And because of that, we were still

here, Belly and Conrad, Conrad and Belly, at Cousins. And for some reason that I still didn't

comprehend_ Conrad Fisher_, my love, my soulmate, my _husband,_ had chosen to be with me. And that

thought summoned little jackhammers upon my rapidly beating heart.


End file.
